Do you know a psychological trick people use to manipulate others?

 

A lot of people do this one trick, and most often they aren't aware of doing it because it's a subconscious habit they have developed which is caused by low self-esteem, unhealthy ego attachment and neediness.

It's called undermining.

To undermine someone means to plant seeds of self-doubt in their minds in an attempt to make you dependent on them, weaken you, control you and to gain power over you.

Some examples of undermining are:

1. Negging. Negging is basically emotional manipulation, and it’s purpose is to undermine a persons confidence and to increase their need for the manipulator's approval.
2. Belittling someone. This may happen in the form of spreading false rumors about you, gossip or accusing you of not being good enough despite this not being the case.
3. Focusing on your flaws more than on your strengths. This happens entirely because of someones unhealthy ego attachment. If they focus on your strengths and skills which may be better than theirs, they would feel powerless and inferior to you. Focusing on your flaws on the other hand makes them feel superior to you and that gives them a sense of control.
4. Setting others up against you. I found that this happens when someone cannot cope with the pain caused by rejection or a break up. It happened to me many years ago. When I broke up with my then girlfriend, she became mad, started telling her girlfriends and every other girl she knew that I am an asshole and even spread lies about me that made her girlfriends hate me. Some time later I got emails from them whose contents were full of nasty insults and stuff. All because my ex was unable to accept I didn't love her anymore. This is yet another defense mechanism caused by unhealthy ego attachment and its purpose is to gain control over someone or over a situation.
5. A commitment to misunderstand you. Sometimes, people are so full of hate and resentment that they cannot interpret correctly what you say and do. They will always misunderstand it and manipulate or distort the truth, so they can spread blame and hate everywhere.

UPDATE: Since people asked for it in the comments, here are ways to respond to such behavior without giving away your power:

1. Negging — Although many use this for light banter in dating, some abusers use this a lot to gaslight you. When it happens, separate your sense of self-worth from the opinion they have of you and don’t take it personally. Always remember that what other people say and do is primarily about themselves. Not you.

2. Getting belittled — people spread gossip because they are bored and have not much going on in their lives. Don’t take it personally and remind yourself that you know your truth. You know all the facts and the truth always comes out one way or another.

If possible, get out of such toxic environments.

3. Pointing out your flaws more than your strengths — if they are passive aggressive and arrogant about it, don’t take it personally. Don’t react with anger and absolutely do not give in to their gaslighting because some people loft themselves up by pulling others down.

If they are kind about it and it only happened once then do consider if that 'flaw' really requires your attention and affects all other areas of your life negatively.

4. Setting others up against you — Just move on and don’t look back. Some people have a really fragile ego or really low self-esteem and don’t handle rejection or envy so well.

Life and the truth will take care of them and eventually, they will grow up at some point.

5. Being committed to misunderstand you — Don’t bother interacting with such people for they are not part of your 'tribe‘. Remember that you cannot win arguments with idiots and ignorant people.

Move on and realize they are simply a person you weren’t meant to have any meaningful relationship with. Don’t respond with anger because he who angers you controls you.

Learn to let go and rise above anger instead. You are better than this